Is there an end in sight?

I have a very difficult time with the idea of eternity, of forever. I simply don't like it. This presents me with an interesting situation regarding my religion. We are taught--and I believe--that the soul is immortal. It existed before we came to earth, and will exist after we leave. But that leaves me a predicament. I have a hard enough time committing to things anyway, let alone things that have no end in sight.

I'm leaving to China in a couple of weeks, for a year. Yes, I have signed a contract, a commitment, to work for a year. So why was I able to commit to that? Because there is an end. I can see it. A year from now.

I think that's why I do so many things. It fills up my time without making me commit for an indefinite period. It doesn't even have to be forever, it just can't be indefinite.

College, 4 years. LDS mission, 18 months. Study abroad, 6 weeks. China, 1 year. Grad school, (hopefully) 2 years.

I can do these things. I know when they start, and when they end. Or if I don't know exactly when they'll end (like going to school), I know that they WILL end. And I think that's what I thrive on--endings. It's like knowing I've accomplished something, that I did it. Never being done with something means to me like I can't ever say "I did it."

I just can't commit to something that keeps going. More than anything, sometimes, I just like to be done with things. Not that I don't enjoy them, I just love to have something to show for it and be done.

It's a sticky situation. Yes, I have commitment-phobia. No, I don' t think I'll ever get over it. I'm trying to, but I don't think I'll really change. I may ACT like I feel a different way, but how long can that work?