When to give in.

Sometimes it feels easier to just give in to things than it is to work at resisting them, for better or worse. Tiredness, love, depression, hunger, anger, apathy...There are so many feelings and emotions that want to take over sometimes. So how do you decide what to fight and what to let be?

Recently I've been feeling like giving in, but not to anything good. Last week I forgot to take my meds for 3 days. By the end I felt super depressed and apathetic and angry...and relieved. For some reason it was freeing to just feel what I feel and not try to block it out. Every day I fight that battle. Every day I swallow my pill and resolve to not take a nap, to go outside and get some sun, to do some exercise. And it gets tiring.

I know it is for my own good, I really do. But when I think about it...it's so much work to fight depression. Even when I'm feeling relatively good, sometimes I'd rather just stop taking the meds and succumb to it. Sometimes I want to sulk and cry, not because I feel like doing it at the moment, but because I want to feel unhindered, even if that means I feel terrible.

This is just a battle--one among many--that I don't feel like fighting any more. I just want to let go and let things be the way they are. I've grown weary of waking up every morning and trying to feel better. I don't want to try so hard to be happy.